If I had known years ago that I was experiencing was what I now know as the dark night of the soul, maybe it would have been easier to accept the divine unfolding and omniscient wisdom of the process. All I knew back then was my life seemed to be falling apart no matter how hard I tried to fight to hold it together.
Rewind back to about 2010. On the outside, things seemed okay to the casual observer. I was married with two beautiful children; one girl and one boy. I had a decent career that I had set aside in order to do the stay-at-home-mom thing for the kids’ early years.
I adored my family and was quite content for a short time, but slowly, over the course of a couple of years, I began to notice a change. I felt an inner discomfort growing inside me, slowly expanding, trying to get my attention. It was trying to get me to see that something was missing from my life but I didn’t want to see it. I kept pushing it down while smiling big for everyone around me.
What I didn’t know was, I was beginning to awaken from my foggy 3rd dimensional slumber. As the clarity in my life increased, the realization that I was NOT in alignment of my TRUTH increased as well.
I had been a spiritual girl all of my life, studying spirituality for fun, always seeking and searching for the next spiritual truth to bring me to my next level.
The funny thing about this however, is that while we lightworkers tend to be drawn to spiritual growth and enlightenment, we often don’t realize that in order to break through the glass ceiling of spirituality and enter into the 5th dimensional realm of light and love, we have to face our own egoic demons along the way.
This process involves finally facing the darkness we have for years, decades, lifetimes even, suppressed down into the depths of our suffering souls. During the dark night of the soul, the ego begins to collapse in on itself, as it cannot survive in the new fifth dimension, where only love and light reside.
This exact thing was beginning to happen to me. As uncomfortable feelings that I had suppressed inside me for years began to rise to the surface, fear began to hold me hostage. I was afraid that if I stopped to examine this SCARY THING I was feeling, it would wreak havoc on my life. I could sense it was BIG.
Soon, I was no longer able to suppress my inner angst and it set off like a bomb in my life. It literally felt like pieces of me just exploded everywhere and I had to pick them up and put myself back together again.
I lost friends, I almost lost my marriage, and I was forced to make one of the hardest decisions of my life during that time. I moved away from it all, started a new job and had many a dark and lonely night.
I didn’t know what was happening to me at the time, but looking back, I see it was all part of a perfect, divine plan to shift me into greater alignment with my TRUTH.
On the outside, my life looked as if it was falling apart, cracking into tiny pieces that I could no longer hold onto. But when I tuned in, I noticed a feeling of strength, faith and trust in the process that was expanding and guiding me forward.
I have been through the dark night of the soul and if you’re feeling this way right now, I want to encourage you to keep taking steps forward. Tune into that feeling deep inside of you, that intuitive compass directing you to surrender and trust.
If you are feeling uncomfortable right now, be thankful. Why? Because life is showing you contrast. Recognize that you are uncomfortable because where you are right now is NOT reflective of your new, evolved inner state. Now it is time for a shift into greater alignment with the truth of your being.
It may be a challenging process to align to this new you, but deep inside, you know this is what you want. Your higher self, your spirit guides know your deepest desires and if you allow them, they will guide you in getting there.
You must have FAITH + TRUST + SURRENDER to the process.
Once the dust finally settles and the darkness begins to fade, you will find yourself standing in your brilliant bright, authentically aligned light.
You will have journeyed through the dark night of the soul and come out on the other side, inspiring those behind you with your own courageous tale.