We all have someone toxic in our lives. It is very hard to ignore them because they somehow know how to get to you. Toxic people are manipulative, controlling, dominative and they do not care about anyone else.
A Zen Master has some good advice, how to deal with this kind of people, but first, let’s define them with these 9 methods:
1. They talk more than they listen
These people are all about themselves. They do not actually care about you or how you are doing. If they actually ask you how is it going, it is usually because they want you to ask them back, so they could keep talking about themselves.
2. They are never wrong
These toxic people can be quick to judge others, but they never see any faults in themselves. They cannot admit that they were wrong and they never apologize. These people will not even accept constructive criticism, so it is very hard to work with them.
3. Drama keeps following them
They might say, that they do not want drama, but somehow it keeps following them. They get into fights with people (although they never admit that anything was their fault).
4. They force relationships
They do not want to be alone and that is why they find someone to have a relationship with. For them, it is not about the connection or real love. They just want someone by their side, who will support them no matter what.
5. Their experience is the standard by which everything should be judged
They cannot accept that everyone has their own life and own way of seeing things. For example, when they hate horror movies, then they will not accept that you like them. They will start mocking you or say that these kinds of films are a waste of time. Either way, they will make you feel bad about liking the genre.
6. They often lie
It is part of their nature. They tend to twist the truth for their benefit, so they would always look good and nothing will ever be their fault. They lie about little things as well, like where they were or what they did, so be critical about anything they say.
7. They lack tact and general courtesy
The toxic persons do not feel sorry for others. They are not empathic and do not want to help others. It is all about them and their life.
8. They exhibit controlling behaviors
They need to feel in charge, so if anything does not go as they planned, they tend to freak out. They do not like anyone else telling them what to do, they want to have the complete power over others, so it might be very difficult to work with them.
9. They love to talk about other people
They live for gossip. They like to know everything that is happening to everyone. They try to get all the juicy details and if there are not many, they tend to invent them to sound more interesting to others. They like to lift their self-esteem by bringing others down.
So you probably recognized some people from your life, who act that way. The easiest suggestion would be to keep away from them, but it is not always possible. So the Zen Master has some recommendation, what should you do.
He says that you need to find your inner peace and balance, so you would not let others influence you that much. People, who are strong inside, cannot be broken from outside. This means that if you are confident and know your worth, you understand that if the toxic person is rude to you, it is not really about you, but about him. He has his insecurities and needs to control people. And you actually start to feel bad for the toxic person.
It is important not to let the toxic person get to you. Always keep in mind, that he wants to make you feel insignificant and smaller, so do not please him by doing that. Stay strong and confront him about his actions. Toxic people have usually a lot of problems inside and when someone has the courage to actually speak up, they will understand that they are not so almighty.
Of course, every situation is different and every person is too, but the one thing you should remember is to focus on yourself and never let anyone else bring you down. When someone is trying to do it, remember that they are just bringing you down to feel more confident themselves. They are problematic people, who should never be trusted, so keep up your guard with them.