Chemistry is a bit of an enigma, difficult to define but noticeable when you experience it. But can chemistry ever be one-sided?

There has been some debate on this issue, with people falling on both sides.

But the problem here is simply one of perspective.

What Is Chemistry?

The chemistry between two people is the natural ease with which they can interact and communicate.

There are different types of chemistry. For instance, there is conversational chemistry that allows for endless conversations without running out of things to say.

There is also value chemistry, professional chemistry and, of course, intimate physical chemistry.

When we say that we “have chemistry” with someone, we usually mean that we have all or most of these chemistry types with them.

One type will usually dominate, but chemistry is rarely confined to only one type.

Chemistry in a relationship is incredibly important. You know this if you have ever had a relationship that was boring, dull and lacked any sense of excitement.

It contributes to the conversation, co-operation and physical intimacy – all essential things in a (romantic) relationship.

So having chemistry is vital. When you think you have chemistry with someone and it turns out they don’t feel the same way, it may be tempting to believe that you have experienced one-sided chemistry.

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The Myth Of One-Sided Chemistry

People who say that it is possible to have one-sided chemistry are usually referring to other things.

Having a one-sided attraction is possible. This can be personal or physical attraction, and often both.

If you experience the one-sided attraction of any type, you might be under the impression that there is also the chemistry between you and that it is also partial.

But chemistry cannot be one-sided. You would be mistaking attraction for chemistry, which is a common mistake that is perfectly natural to make.

Chemistry Is Never One-Sided

The reason that chemistry cannot be one-sided is very simple.

Chemistry is a property of a relationship. That is, there is either chemistry in a relationship, or there is not.

The clue to this is in the following phrases:

“We have chemistry together.”

“I had great chemistry with him.”

“Our chemistry was incredible!”

Compare these to the following phrases:

“I had chemistry for him.”

“We both had chemistry for each other.”   The latter list sounds wrong.

Chemistry, like the tango, takes two. It’s like holding hands – either you are holding hands together, or neither of you is holding hands.

The difficulty is that sometimes it will feel like you have great chemistry with someone, but it turns out that it was all imagined.

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In that case, what you had was one-sided attraction rather than biased chemistry.

The core reason underneath it all that chemistry cannot be one-sided is that chemistry is an interaction.

Just like scientific chemistry, it is about mixing ingredients to create reactions.

So remember, the next time you think you have experienced one-sided chemistry, just remind yourself that it is probably just one-sided attraction.

It’ll pass, and there are people out there with whom you will share intense, mutual chemistry.