By Aly Walansky
Finding our soul mate is a romantic vision for many, but one that feels like an elusive fantasy; an ideal we may never realize. But even if we do realize that fantasy, do you even know what you’re looking for? And how do you know if you’ve met your soulmate?
“Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
The above quote by Antoine de Saint-Exupery really sums up what it means to have found your soulmate, says Slisha Kankariya, co-founder of Four Mine, an online jewelry retailer. Life is filled with challenges and lots of ups and downs. Finding someone who has the same outlook and handles problems in the same way you do is someone you can grow old with, says Kankariya.
It’s usually a pretty rare and wonderful experience to meet your soulmate, let alone know you have discovered them. “The feeling is the most notable part of it; your senses suddenly seem to be attuned to something exquisite. It’s hard to believe that it’s coming from being in the presence of another person,” says Toronto-based psychotherapist Wendy Brown.
1. You feel comfortable
You probably have the grand awareness that you know and appreciate this individual. “It’s as if you can relax into a relationship with him/her because you’re understood, cared-for and safe. You could find yourself thinking this is what you’ve been looking for your whole life,” says Brown.
The surest sign that you met your soulmate has nothing to do with passion, shared interests, good times, or great conversation. “The way to tell if you’ve met your soulmate has to do with silence. When you feel like you can just be quiet with someone else and just enjoy the beauty of a moment together, that’s when you know that you’ve met your perfect match,” says Dr. Ben Michaelis, a clinical psychologist and author of Your Next Big Thing.
3. You “get” each other
This does not mean all will be perfect and you’ll forever feel like you’re walking on a cloud. If you primarily experience an unrealistic high, a feeling of being groundless, or the sensation of sitting on a roller coaster that’s going too fast, something’s off, says Brown. “With your soul mate, you’re more in the zone of knowing and understanding each other; expecting life will be a mixed bag of the good, the bad and the indifferent,” says Brown.
4. There’s often a feeling of endurance
You just know that you have a connection you can trust. This includes trusting it over years of separation; even if the person passes away, says Brown.
“Think of what it’s like in a soul-destroying experience. You generally feel like you’ve been run over by a truck and there aren’t any paramedics in sight. By contrast, a soul mate experience makes you feel as though there really is truth, beauty and justice in the world, and you have a way to tap into it,” Brown says.