Struggle Between Ego And Soul, Love And Attachment

Sometimes you go on living your life longing for something you don’t even know you do, until you find it. A friend, a lover, a soul mate, a twin flame, art, name it as you wish. But it will unexpectedly change forever the way you perceive and experience life.

It is a blissful reality that you enter and life becomes truly a gift and a magical travel. You still have the mundane but it has all shifted – you are finally aware that you are here to experience this adventure, such called life. And learn to love. There is no other purpose. The ups, the downs, you learn how to cope with them and love them. All you want is to feel life, as you realize that is the way of living it and not escaping it.

However everything can crumble if you shift from this blissful place to the common mundane word, without awareness.

You loose sight of your teachings from this magical encounter and unaware start yearning for attachment again. But love cannot be selfish otherwise it is not love.

How can someone enter you and then leave you without any warning?
You were my friend, you were my home, as you have mentioned so many times and now you are gone.

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I might have given you this opportunity, showed you that option, as an attempt to respect you.  But truth is that I thought you would never grasp it.
I believed I was important to you in any given moment.  I believed you to be the kind of person that stick to loved ones thus does not go wandering around leaving open doors behind.

Or maybe, just maybe, it was never love to begin with.
How do you say goodbye to a friend that chooses to leave you?

How do you close a door that was your doorway to your own soul, to your understandings on the magic of life?
That is still so much I want to share with you, to deepen with you, like we used to.

Have you forgotten me? Have you replaced me or was I never a piece to your soul puzzle?
You were my central piece, the one that links all other pieces, making sense of the pictures emerging from there.
And now this piece is missing, the puzzle is holding to its edge, while in its core the hole remains.

I am angry yes I am, and I have never thought I would, not at you.
How can one be angry at the one who changed your way of perceiving and experiencing life?

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How can I be so mad at you, after all that you gave me?
But today I am. Maybe only for today. But that is all I have.

I could understand you, if only I knew you took away out of fear,  but not out of  love  – love has no end, love remains. So what was it?
You seemed so sure of your feelings. I know you were. I felt you were. But then. What happened?

You were my soul – you felt me – understood me – in a word where it seemed no one would never get me- you were able to reach out to my feelings,  even on times  I  could not.
I never understood what I was looking for until I met you.

You shifted my perspective, you made me awaken to my deepest longings and gave me the love and courage to pursuit them.
I have heard that all we need to succeed is to have one true support – I had yours. Now it is no longer here and I feel I am trying to hold on to the air. It is there but one cannot see it or feel it with the eyes or touch, making it hard to believe at times.

What happened?  Will you ever come back? Just for today?

By Marcella

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