I just love you. And I feel so blessed by this opportunity to love. I feel so lucky to have met you. I feel so good that you are here. So grateful that you aren’t just a dream anymore. I’ve been asking for you. I’ve been imagining you. I’ve been preparing for you. I’ve been practicing you.
I’ve been waiting for you. Now, I get to see you, I get to hear you, I get to taste you and touch you. I get to have conversations with you. I get to visit with you. I get to spend time and joke and laugh with you. So different. The real thing vs. the imagined thing. So very different, and I never thought that I would feel this way. Scared shitless.
Every new experience is an opportunity for me to understand something in a deeper way than I ever have before. Today, I am understanding the runner. We all hate on the runner. We make the runner the problem. If they just wouldn’t run, everyone would be happy. What’s the point, anyway? What’s the point of running? Why do they run from what they love? How is that even possible? It doesn’t make sense.
I know it. It doesn’t make sense. But the truth is that everyone does the best that they can from their current point of consciousness. The runner flees because they feel like they can’t stay. It can be so difficult when you meet someone you love.
Someone you’ve been waiting to meet. Someone you actually have a connection with. Someone who is everything that you want. It can seem too good to be true, and for the runner, they are just waiting for the other shoe to drop. It feels to them like if they are seen, that they won’t be loved. Even if they are a great person with nothing to hide. Even if they know that they are wonderful and have so much to offer, it still feels like you might be rejected at any moment.
No particular reason, besides that you just aren’t good enough. It’s not even a logical fear. It’s completely ridiculous! But, none the less, you are walking a tight rope, holding your breath, looking down and hoping to god that you don’t fuck it up. This thing that you have found that you know that you want. This thing that you know is special. There it is and holding onto it just becomes too much to bear. It just becomes too difficult to try to stay open and vulnerable so that you can maintain the relationship, when at the same time, you are scared shitless. You are watching yourself and what you say. Censoring yourself and playing back scenarios in your head, wondering if you did the right thing.
God forbid if you make a mistake. Then it becomes some huge ordeal. Something you just beat yourself up about. The seesaw of the relationship and going with the ebb and flow is difficult too. It all just becomes too much. So, one will run in small ways. This is where games originate. For the Twin Flame runner, they run away completely. It just becomes easier to not have the relationship at all. To not have to be afraid, to not have to worry about if you said the right thing or if your Twin is still into you. To not have such incessant inquiries in your mind. Just make it all stop. That is why the runner runs. To make it stop.
Being in the presence of your Twin Flame makes you aware of so many things you didn’t know about yourself. It brings to the surface every insecurity. Every fear. Depending upon where you are in your journey, it could be too much. Especially for someone who has not done a lot of reflecting on the self. For someone who has shadows buried and hasn’t yet begun the process of purging. So, just imagine suddenly becoming aware of everything about yourself that seems less than perfect or less than ideal.
And all of this is happening in the moment that you want to put your best foot forward. It’s completely nerve wracking if you’re not really self aware. It’s nerve wracking even when you are self aware. It’s quite a dilemma. That the moment you want to just be yourself and embody all of the characteristics about yourself that you know are ideal, is the moment you become aware of all of your weaknesses. It’s tough to be your best when you become so aware of your “flaws”.
This is why the runner runs. Not because they do not feel great love. It’s the opposite. They do feel great love. It’s that great love that makes them afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid of losing. When you are looking at it from the runner’s perspective, It feels better to know that you sabotaged something on purpose, than to live with being the one who “messed up”, or wasn’t good enough. This is the logic. Is it sensical? I don’t think so. I think we all know that this premise of running is flawed.
But, this is what happens. Once the initial Twin Flame connection is established, it brings up a lot of things to the surface that need to be worked through. Sometimes, the runner just needs time to sort it all out and gain their footing. They need to figure out what to make of it all. How to gain a new perspective that will be self loving, instead of self sabotaging. It can be difficult to understand. How someone could be so afraid. But it happens, and sometimes, it just takes time to sort out.
Everyone has their quirks. Everyone has their good sides and their bad sides. Everyone has had experiences that are good and bad. Everyone has made choices that are good and bad. It’s the overall package that we are looking for. Things can be overcome. Fear can be overcome. That’s what is important. Not what happened in the past but where you are letting it take you. What you are making of it and who you are choosing to become because of it. Are you letting your experiences make you better and stronger? Are you becoming more loving or less loving?
Let’s not hold our runners accountable for taking the time that they needed for themselves. Let’s not judge them based in their past. People need to work through things sometimes. Pain and fear make people do crazy things, but it’s not who they are. People can get over fear and pain. Make your decisions based in the now. Based in who is good for you now and who they have become. Give love to the runners of the world. That is all they ever wanted all along.